zeus took fuck, marry, kill way too seriously
"IT’S ‘FUCK, MARRY, OR KILL!’ ‘OR!’ NOT ‘AND!’ WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”
— Hades at some point probably
I laughed way too hard at this.
TRAMADOL MIDNIGHT THEATRE
Summary: The gossip magazines just found out about Clint’s daughter Isobel. Clint’s freaking out, but Steve’s totally got this covered.
"Well, it had to happen sometime," Tony says philosophically, when JARVIS puts up the People Magazine cover on the big screen in the kitchen. It’s Saturday morning, and those fucks didn’t even warn any of them, and Clint is white as a sheet and holding Izzy more tightly than she’d like to be held.
Sergeant Phelps worked for General Eisenhower. Four decades after Eisenhower had defeated the Axis powers, Phelps recalled an extraordinary event. One day, the general told her, “I’m giving you an order to ferret those lesbians out. We’re going to get rid of them.”
“I looked at him and then I looked at his secretary who was standing next to me, and I said, ‘Well, sir, if the general pleases, sir, I’ll be happy to do this investigation for you. But you have to know that the first name on the list will be mine.’ “
“And he was kind of taken aback a bit. And then this women standing next to me said, ‘Sir, if the General pleases, you must be aware that Sergeant Phelp’s name may be second, but mine will be first.”
“Then I looked at him, and said, ‘Sir, you’re right. They’re lesbians in the WAC battalion. And if the general is prepared to replace all the file clerks, all the section commanders, all the drivers-every woman in the WAC detachment-and there were about nine hundred and eighty something of us-then I’ll be happy to make that list. But I think the general should be aware that among those women are the most highly decorated women in the war. There have been no cases of illegal pregnancy. There have been no cases of AWOL. There have been no cases of misconduct. And as a matter of fact, every six months since we’ve been here, the general has awarded us a commendation for meritorious conduct.”
“And he said, ‘Forget the order.’”
The Gay Metropolis, page 47, Charles Kaiser (via bibliothekara)
Phelps tells this story herself in the excellent 1984 documentary Before Stonewall, which you can watch in its entirety on YouTube (she’s at 19:30, but really, watch the whole thing): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kX7AxQd82H8
This makes me laugh every time I see it.
Prompts for Pie 18: Peter Parker Makes Poor Choices
Peter stared at the tree. “I don’t want to come up there. But I will if I have to.” He leaned in. “I am warning you. I will come up there.”
The tree did not respond. Peter wondered if he really wanted to go up there. Again.
The flicker of light, in the corner of his eye, caught his attention a split second before it coalesced into a burst of heat, and then the Human Torch was hovering in the air, just above Peter’s head. “Hey, Webhead. Whatcha doing in the park in the middle of the night?”
“Meditating,” Peter told him. “And I need serenity and solitude to do it right. So you should go now.”
Laughing, Johnny Storm landed, his flames dissipating in a heartbeat. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing. Go away.”
Johnny looked around. “No. Seriously. What are you doing here?”
“Shoo. Flame on, or whatever it is you do, go.” Peter made a shooing motion with his hands, flipping his fingers in Johnny’s direction. “Away with you. Off you go. So long, farewell, auf widersehen, good-night!” he sang.
“Is there a crime happening that I can’t see?” Johnny held up a hand, flames swirling around his wrist and up his fingers. “I figured there was crime. But no. It’s just you. Talking to a tree.”
“I’m communing with nature,” Peter said. “Need a private moment with the tree.”
“Buddy, if you’re looking for privacy, you shouldn’t wear that outfit. Kinda loud.”